We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
