Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize