Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
