this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
