She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Shame - the story of my life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
