His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
