Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
