I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
