you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
