i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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