Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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