so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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