I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
