I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
