I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
