You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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