Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
