I will die if light touches me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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