How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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