I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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