looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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