You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
