You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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