She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize