Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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