Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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