Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
