OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
