It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
