nut hugger
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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