If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
