are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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