There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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