I looked at my own cervix.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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