Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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