barbara walters just said penis...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
