i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
