So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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