You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
