dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
