so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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