Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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