I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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