I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
