..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
don't judge my taste in strippers
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
