I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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