so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize