I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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