i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
