Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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