He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
