Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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