I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
