i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Who wears a wallet chain?!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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