Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
