i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
