i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
