Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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