Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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