WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
