why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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