there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is classic penis vs brain.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
