What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
