im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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