i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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