I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
