I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
