redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
