I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
